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Bigger hammer

Birdwatch

I've just had to deal with the first starling-down-the-chimney incident of the year. It went very smoothly. I've learned that it's pointless to open the windows and leave the curtains open because the birds inevitably ignore the tiny opening parts in the top corners and fly straight into the large fixed expanse of glass in the middle. This time I closed the curtains and switched the lights off and let it fly about until it settled into a small dark corner (a gap between my bookcase and the wall) and I was able to get hold of it and carry it outside.
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I used to get birds in my room as a child. We just shut the door, turned off the lights, waited for it to perch, then threw a towel over it. That way we could release it from the towel without touching it.

I had birdshit on my lampshade for many years.
birdshit on my lampshade

Sounds like one of the stranger varieties of euphemisms to me :P
*smirk*
I was woken one summer morning, just before sunrise, by the sound of breaking glass. Tiptoed down stairs (with Vike sword in hand, obviously, one can't be too careful) to find cat on top of fridge freezer. Pyrex bowls from on top of fridge freezer all over floor. Bird on lampshade.

I opened the back door, the bird through out. The cat flew after (my memories say at about eye level, but I could be misremembering).

I went back to bed, tided up later.

Of course, this was Spookie, who was a great birder/mouser/anything with a pulser.
Max wouldn't bestir himself.

FF
Doesn't pyrex make a fabulous noise when it breaks! We were using an unbreakable pyrex bowl as a compost bin, kept right up on top of the microwave to stop our young cat ("this week I am mostly eating red cabbage and banana skins") getting to it. Woken one morning by the sound of a bomb going off. Raced through to kitchen to find rear end of cat disappearing through cat flap dragging banana skin, and neat cubes of pyrex safety glass ALL over the kitchen - mixed with potato peelings and teabags, obviously. Still finding little cubes under kitchen units two years later.
Bad bad catlet!

Mind you, if Alex kept a cat... and put the word around the neighborhood... maybe no bird coming down chimney?
I think the dog was the first to notice the fluttering noises coming from behind the gas fire.
One hell of a bang. I was annoyed, it was old Pyrex from my Gran's house, been used for years, demolished in a few second. Spookie, for all he looked like an animated sofa cushion, was Nimrod The Mighty Hunter at night.

FF